Rumor is it’s the start of the holidays, the beginning of the colder months where you flit back to whichever small town you came from and sit in your childhood bedroom, where several lightbulb memories resurface in your brain against your own will. A fun fact about me is that I moved a lot throughout my life, which means the bedroom I sit in is from high school, so all the memories that get waterboarded out of me are from then. It could be fun, if I were into sadism. An important mantra to hang onto is: the outfits I wore in 2013 do not define me.
Here’s what I’ve been thinking about this week:
The head of FIFA, Gianni Infantino, said in a bizarre, hourlong rambling speech, “Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled,” and said he could relate to oppression because he used to have freckles. See, this is what happens when you bully gingers too much. Everyone ease off Ed Sheeran before he commits a war crime.
Racefisher Oli London (who, for many years, insisted he was a Korean man), has been “de-transitioning” to being British again after finding God.
Nick Adams, the Twitter influencer for alpha males, said he is seeing less alpha males eat chicken wings at Hooters under Biden’s administration. Alpha males used to go every week under Trump, Adams said. Now they are struggling to eat chicken wings every month. What is Joe Biden’s plan to get alpha men back to Hooters for their weekly chicken wing outing? When men could be fucking men.
It is November 26 and I have already watched The Princess Switch. I will absolutely not be taking any questions at this time.
King Charles has banned foie gras in all royal residences, replacing it with “faux gras,” which is possibly the whitest thing he has done yet. He is so silly. I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty.
Nice things to consider:
Seven years of Thanksgiving from the viral misdial Twitter exchange.
This YouTube essay on the fall of #squadgoals internet.
Since we last spoke, I reported on the several state and federal investigations launched into Ticketmaster in light of the Taylor Swift presale fiasco. I covered the death of a young girl in North Carolina who was hit by a runaway truck. I blogged about my Thanksgiving.