help! i'm in love with the tiktokers on my feed!
ask steffi 06: advice for the social media age
As the digital realm continues to encompass the corporeal, we’re encountering new problems that no one seems to know the answer to. Not the overarching brushstrokes of policy and technology, but the nitty-gritty interpersonal issues that it brings us: the dance of flirting on Hinge, keeping tabs on our loved ones via Find My Friends, knowing the right time to Venmo request. Loneliness, love, money, fear, anger, yearning — now through the kaleidoscope of the infinite scroll.
This corner of it’s steffi aims to address life within the social media age, and offer a little advice about how to deal with our most online quandaries. Once a month, I’ll answer a question you have, and invite some other internet culture friends to share their thoughts, too. If you’d like to submit a question, you can submit through this form.
Today’s question is answered by the incomparable
, a culture writer at Rolling Stone with previous work in Vulture, Vox, and Refinery29. Their profile work and reporting is deeply fascinating and their criticism has shifted my worldview entirely. You can follow them on Instagram @christjonesy.Dear CT,
helppppppp I need to know why i fall so in love with influencers and how to get over it — one in question is noah beck. i ran into him a couple times. now i follow fan accounts and own 2x hoodies and underwear from his brand. i have BOOTLEG MERCH!!! a serious issue.
— Belulu
Dear Belulu,
Falling in love can be hard. What makes it harder is when the object of your affection isn’t a white boy you locked eyes with across a sweaty subway platform, but instead a (very jacked) white boy whose claim to fame involves being apart of something called ‘The Sway House,’ dating a D’Amelio sister, and being born after the year 2000.
Let’s be honest. There’s nothing really wrong with being infatuated with celebrities. The very nature of fame is that the best celebrities succeed by having a public persona that draws you in. The same can be said for influencers as well. You’ve watched Noah post TikToks recreating Minions scenes with his family, or cliff jumping with his friends off the coast of Greece. You feel like you’re there with him. Meeting him in person probably only cemented the professionally curated vibe he’s built online—to be a personable shell to project on to. Cute mustache or not, the Noah Beck you see online isn’t really a person. Sure he exists…somewhere. But unless you’re the protagonist of the newest Cinderella Story, the chances of you ever getting a chance to meet the real Noah is low. The person you’re obsessed with isn’t a person at all. He’s a product. It’s not your fault you’ve got your consumer brain on. I mean, c’mon. No one buys bootleg merch unless what you’re really craving is the act of clicking “add to cart.” If you wanted a date, you’d already be trying to con your way onto Raya.
It sounds to me like you’re not not ashamed about developing a parasocial relationship point blank—you’re ashamed that you’ve developed one with an influencer. I get it, the aforementioned Sway House can be an unpopular thing to bring up over a couple of drinks with friends. It’s a hard sell, especially for people who either aren’t online or are adamantly against the very system that brought Noah his fame. But again, there’s no shame in becoming obsessed with an influencer. You are not above being sold to. Okay, so you watch his videos. So you’ve turned his Instagram post notifications on. So what? Unless you’re one of those fans who’s camping out by his hotel rooms, or trying to find the Kroger where his mom shops at, I can promise you you’re probably not doing anything wrong. Now, if you’re crossing any of those lines, I’d consider getting help—either in the form of a therapist, an orgasm, or a good old fashioned kick in the ass.
If you’re still embarrassed, or are convinced that your Noah Beck obsession is taking too much time away from having a real, tangible life, there are a couple options to fully get over this crush. Step back for a minute and recognize the context that you exist in and all that came before you. If Noah’s 33 million TikTok followers alone are anything to take into account, there are at least 1 million other people who agree with you. A lot of them might be children. Can you bear the thought that the object of your desire probably has his photos in thousands of middle school lockers around the country? How would you feel if you went to the mall, and you and an 11-year-old were wearing matching bootleg merch? If shame is enough of a motivator to have you ask an advice column for help, let’s hope it’s enough to get you a new crush. In the meantime, just accept that you have a weakness for tall white men with mustaches. Even better, walk outside and find one. They’re everywhere! You’d probably be doing someone a favor.
More from Ask Steffi:
Steffi and ICYMI’s Candice Lim answer a few question about Facebook wall affairs, political arguments and more.
Okay Zoomer’s Kelsey Weekman assuages one reader’s worries about ways to swipe up on Instagram without being cringe.
Steffi tells you what you should do if you keep seeing your enemies on your feed.