help! my hometown doesn't get my big-city content
ask steffi 10: advice for the social media age
As the digital realm continues to encompass the corporeal, we’re encountering new problems that no one seems to know the answer to. Not the overarching brushstrokes of policy and technology, but the nitty-gritty interpersonal issues that it brings us: the dance of flirting on Hinge, keeping tabs on our loved ones via Find My Friends, knowing the right time to Venmo request. Loneliness, love, money, fear, anger, yearning — now through the kaleidoscope of the infinite scroll.
This corner of it’s steffi aims to address life within the social media age, and offer a little advice about how to deal with our most online quandaries. Once a month, I’ll answer a question you have, and invite some other internet culture friends to share their thoughts, too. If you’d like to submit a question, you can submit through this form.
This month’s question is answered by one of the coolest stars on the internet right now, Lucy Blakiston. You might recognize Luce as the CEO and chief shitposter behind the beloved media company shit you should care about, which boasts 3.4 million followers on Instagram and 97,000 subscribers on Substack (none of these numbers are in the official bio she sent me, I just need to hype her up because she’s the best). Luce is also the author of the book on the bedside table of every hottie you know, Make It Make Sense. As a fellow worn-out-woman who will probs never own a house, Luce gets you.
Dear Luce,
i'm going home for my high school reunion soon and to be honest, i'm kind of nervous. I left my hometown a while ago and from social media, our lives could not be more different. they all post the big homes they bought in the suburbs, engagements and weddings, even their babies. i'm single and focused on my career in a big city, so my feed is literally everything else but that. i'm a little worried people will judge me, if that makes sense? it's like we're working under two different social media currencies!
— Ryan (she/her)
OK babe,
As a girl who’s famously single, famously focused on my career, and famously doesn’t actually give a shit about what other people think of me, I think I might be the perfect gal to answer this for you.
First of all: high school reunions to me kinda feel like walking into a real-life LinkedIn feed. Everyone there is trying to put forward their hottest, braggiest, most successful self, and you don’t really show up there unless you’ve got something you want to highlight. Harsh, but true, IMO. But I promise you, just as we can all see through the fakeness of that LinkedIn broetry, we can see through it in real life too.
Another few things that aren’t real (ice cold takes incoming):
Social media (I know we all know this) and being online so much stops us from being content with what we have. Social media is always making us feel behind in some way, and it can be helpful to think about who profits from that. If you’re seeing people in happy relationships on your feed, is Tinder going to profit from you downloading the app? If someone is always wearing beautiful clothes, is ASOS gonna be making a quick buck out of you? Always a good idea to keep these things in the back of your mind.
The idea that there is an “ideal” timeline for how you should live your life. I know you know this, but when you’re seeing the highlights of your normie friends’ lives (no hate, but you know, the ones that have taken the tradish route), you aren’t seeing the screaming kids, mortgage repayments, or the constant yearning for a life like…oh, yours!! And it works the other way too—they aren’t seeing the loneliness, the hustle or the expense of living in this life as a solo woman. No one is living their life wrong. It’s just that the grass is always greener, huh?
What I do want to say is: if in your heart of hearts, you’re happy with the decisions you’ve made and the life you’re living, then who cares if people judge you? Like, genuinely, the only people you need to “impress” with your life is you, so if you’re living your truth, then that’s all that matters!!!
But, if you still find yourself feeling envious of what you’re seeing online, I do have some actual advice. Turn that jealousy into your best mate, and let it show you what your life is missing. This is something I’m very passionate about (so passionate that I wrote about it in our debut book, Make It Make Sense)—LETTING JEALOUSY BECOME YOUR NORTH STAR. Becoming friends with jealousy will change your life. I feel like we were taught, as young impressionable women, that jealousy is an ugly emotion and one that we should push away. But what if, instead, we let it show us what we wanted? This is just a helpful little tool to keep in your belt if you ever feel like you’re comparing yourself to people you see online. It’s like, “am I jealous of this? Or do I actually want to work towards some aspect of what I’m seeing?”
I trust that you’ll figure it out, and for what it’s worth, you seem like someone I want to hang out with.
Happy reunioning!!!!
Luce xxxxx
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